Reggae proper
My sexy date with Lisa Silverman
By Edwin Decker
Have you heard the one about the drug-prevention activist who went to the reggae show and was outraged to learn that people were smoking marijuana there?
The San Diego Union-Tribune reported recently that Lisa Silverman, of the North Inland County Prevention Program, went undercover to a Ziggy Marley concert at the Del Mar Racetrack. Silverman was surprised to discover that almost everyone at the concert was smoking weed.
“I was offered a couple of doobies myself,” Silverman said.
Reading that story, I was shocked. People still use the word “doobies!”? I thought.
After her reconnaissance mission, Silverman and a group of concerned parents—alarmed and disturbed that people were lighting up at outdoor reggae concerts—urged fairgrounds operators to clamp down. Fairgrounds manager Tim Fennel seemed to be leaning in that direction. In a message to music fans, he said, “Don’t jeopardize the music you like by doing something improper.”
Meaning, if you derelicts keep it up, we won’t book bands that appeal to pot smokers anymore.
Meaning, goodbye Ziggy Marley. Hello Hannah Montana.
Meaning, goodbye Snoop Dog and Willie Nelson. Hello Jordin Sparks. Goodbye Method Man, Radiohead, Cypress Hill, George Clinton, Ben Harper and Steel Pulse. Bring on Celtic Thunder!
How out of touch with reality do you have to be to think pot smoking is “improper” at an outdoor reggae concert? That’s like saying partner-swapping is improper at an orgy. Pot smoking isn’t only proper at a reggae concert, Mr. Fennel, it’s the point. Silverman said it best when she reported, “There were very few attendees who were not smoking marijuana.”
That’s right, Lisa. You were the minority; this was not your crowd, not your culture. It’s reggae, lady. Marijuana isn’t a peripheral. It’s the message. If you don’t like reggae music’s message, well, lance my chancres, don’t go to a goddamn reggae-music show.
When people like Silverman, Fennel, the parents’ groups and all these other morally superior prohibitches embark on one of their anti-fun crusades, I can’t help but wonder: How does one become that way? How does one witness a sea of people dancing and smiling—sweet, pungent smoke rising to the air—and feel outrage? Is it nature or nurture? Was Lisa Silverman born an uptight, nosey, self-important, morally superior, culturally intolerant funwitch, or did her parents raise her that way?
Just once, I would love to take that shrew on a date and show her exactly what it means to behave appropriately at an outdoor concert.
We now bring you now to the Silverman / Decker date already in progress…
“Lisa, my love, can I get you a beer or something?”
“No thanks. I’ll take a Diet Coke.”
“Sorry, googy-bear, I don’t approve of Diet Coke? That stuff is loaded with aspartame. Don’t get me started on the evils of aspartame.”
“But, but…”
“I’m just kidding, lover-pie. You can have whatever you like. Because it’s your body, darling, and I want you to be happy.”
Lights go down, band comes on, joints light up.
“Look at all those marijuana smokers,” she says. “It’s an outrage!”
“It’s OK, honeyknuckles. They’re just having a good time. You should try it.”
“I don’t need to get high to have fun,” she snorts.
“Yes, my sweet, sweet potato face, I am aware of that. But you don’t need to ride a rollercoaster to have fun, either.
You don’t have to vacation in Rome, or go parasailing, or sit on the couch all day drinking gin Rickeys and watching Reno 9-11 episodes. If you were lounging on La Costa Blanca beach and Antonio Banderas pulled up in a jet ski and cooed, ‘Hop aboard, mi amor,’ would you snub your nose and say, ‘Sorry, A.B., I don’t need to ride jet skis with gorgeous Latino men off the shores of exotic Spanish beaches to have a good time’?”
Deep inside Lisa Silverman’s lizard brain, a tiny light flickers on, awareness seeps in and she gazes at the joint in my hand. I spark it up and pass it over. She takes a drag and coughs. Then another. And another.
Before long, she is in the moment, smug gushing from her pores like sour milk from the nose of a stand-up comedian’s wife. She smiles at me dreamily and begins gyrating to the gorgeous music massaging her ears.
I step behind her, slip my arms around her waist, pull her body against mind and roam my hands along her hips as we sway together. I take the, um, doobie, from her fingers and pull a long and deep hit.
Lisa turns to face me, and her aspartame-bloated lips find mine. Our mouths open and I exhale a cocktail of cannabis and saliva into her smughole, swirling it around with my tongue like a swizzle stick in the Collins glass of our passion.
After the show, we retire to her place, where we snort Vicodin, drink gin Rickeys and entangle ourselves on her living room floor to the flickering images of Reno 911 on TV.
Write to ed@sdcitybeat.com and editor@sdcitybeat.com. To view the registry for the Decker / Silverman wedding, visit www.edwindecker.com.
Published: 09/17/2008
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Comments
Don't snort vicodin, man. It is mostly binder and acetaminophen and will just clog up your nose. Don't smoke it either, for the same reasons. Vicodin are for eating, preferably with a nice chianti.
I actually never snorted Vicodin, but I always wanted to. Something about it sounded romantic to me. But, I will heed your advice. Because when Cecil Hayduke tells you what drugs not to snort, you listen.
Yet another amazing pile of crap-logic from Edwin Decker. He attacks Lisa Silverman because of her work to enlighten the public about rampant illegal narcotic use at a Reggae concert she attended.
Decker's logic is flawed at best. Following his line of 'thinking' I suppose it's just fine if we look the other way at anyone shooting dope at the next Doors-tribute band? Heck, don't heroin users just lay there and drool? How about our kids all go to an underground rave and get all whacked out on Ecstasy - it's a harmless drug? Or, how about we start promoting that it's just fine if at the next Metallica concert everyone is welcome to bring their meth and spark it up! Might be a few fights, stabbings and all but, it's perfectly fine - just adults having fun right?
Decker crosses the line personally attacking (even describing his dream date is a personal assault) Silverman. His narrow-minded heck, even if widely agreed-upon, opinion about pot has nothing to with Silverman's character or work. Sure, pot is legal for medicinal use but, it's not last I checked ok for widespread distribution and use in public venues. Her work to educate and hopefully stem the rampant use of pot is laudable and should be supported.
Personally I love reggae music but, I often stay away from the larger venues as I experienced open and widespread pot smoking inside 4th and B at a Steel Pulse concert a few years ago. Police? Security guards? The guards were there but, had taken absolutely no action towards stopping any of the smoking let alone detaining or kicking anyone out. Police, I imagine are a bit over-whelmed seeing they are over 10% understaffed.
I didn't hear Silverman suggest that any type of music is the problem or, that any such music should be banned. All I read about her doing is making the management of the Del Mar Fair aware of a legal issue. I'd also exhort her to check out 4th and B, Street Scene or any venue that tolerates any illegal drug activity. Go after them with the full force of the law.
And Decker's fantasy that he and Silverman party and end up in some tangle? Ha! I'm almost certain that she's most likely interested in intelligent, handsome, law-abiding and upright guys. Funny, over all the years' I've seen people bash Decker for his pin-headed opinions and reviews I've never heard him called any one, much less all of, those things.
Fat chance Decker. Get off the crack and back to reality.
Bizwiz wrote:
> Following his line of 'thinking' I suppose it's just
> fine if we look the other way at anyone shooting
> dope at the next Doors-tribute band? Heck, don't
> heroin users just lay there and drool? How about
> our kids all go to an underground rave and get all
> whacked out on Ecstasy - it's a harmless drug?
> Or, how about we start promoting that it's just
> fine if at the next Metallica concert everyone is
> welcome to bring their meth and spark it up!
Shooting dope, heroin, ecstasy, and meth? These drugs can be lethal if they are abused. How many cases of marijuana overdose have you heard of? Death by pot? How many 7-11's and liquor stores have been robbed by a pot-adict? How many people have been mugged by a crazed freak so he can get his next fix of pot? Hmm? Also, I didn't see you mention alcohol in your list. I guess that _drug_ is ok. Hmm?
> Might be a few fights, stabbings and all but, it's
> perfectly fine...
If anything, marijuana mellows people out, it doesn't make them violent. You really don't know what you're talking about, do you?
> Her work to educate and hopefully stem the
> rampant use of pot is laudable and should be
> supported.
Educate? She's on a moral crusade... She's not trying to educate anyone. HARM's (Health Advocates Rejecting Marijuana) charter (manifesto?) is full of fallacies. And are we supposed to take Silverman's word when she makes statements like, "There were very few attendees who were not smoking marijuana", and "I was offered a couple of doobies myself"? Bull!
> I didn't hear Silverman suggest that any type of
> music is the problem...
Are you suggesting that she just picked a Ziggy Marley concert at random?
In any case, Silverman's moral crusade against marijuana, and her (and HARM's) blatant lies about its societal and medical problems is despicable. Unfortunately, ignorant idiots like you believe and support her and her cronies.
Ah yes, Lisa Silverman... Proud member of H.A.R.M. (Health Advocates Rejecting Marijuana), which by the way is funded by our tax dollars. A bunch of misguided kooks, out there battling for our kid's safety.
I'm sure they wouldn't admit it, but the cops would probably prefer people smoking pot at concerts (nice mellow crowd).
But no, let's have a zero tolerance to pot and let the people booze it up and get rowdy! Oh crap, they will probably ban booze too. :-(